"Time is Running Out" Meaning for Me

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me (x2)

(Chorus)
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted
Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me

(Chorus)
How did it come to this?
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah

You will suck the life out of me

(Chorus)
How did it come to this?
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah

Meaning for me:

Have you ever fallen in love with someone when you know you shouldn't? You keep telling yourself that if you fall in love you know it's just gonna hurt you and you will end up heartbroken. But you can't stop yourself, we can't choose these things for ourselves. That is how i relate to this song.

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You feel horrible because you know how it's gonna turn out, but at the same time you are deeply in love with this person. The spell is the way this person makes you feel.

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me

You feel torn because while you are blindly in love with the person, at the same time you hate him/her for doing this to you. A part of you wish that you never fell in love, but a significant other part of you can't stand the thought that you might never had met him/her. That part wants to see how it turns out, no matter the pain that is waiting.

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

Your time together is limited and you can see the end approaching.

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

Again, you try to tell yourself that this can never work out, but you are so deeply in love that there is no way back. And when the person discovers how you feel about him/her you know that he/she will never try to talk you out of it.

This can be love for a person that may be dying, og maybe a person that lives far away or something like this.

Untuk Ina, Sahabatku

Na... sabar ya...

Kita tahu, memang rasanya sakit sekali... ditinggalkan kakekmu, lalu nenekmu...

Tapi... hal ini sudah terjadi, Na... Ini semua sudah menjadi kehendak Yang Mahakuasa... Yang penting sekarang itu... Kamu doakan nenekmu semoga tenang di sana... Dan kamu liat sisi positifnya aja, Na...

Ingat, Na...

Kematian bukanlah akhir dari kehidupan ini... Ya, kematian memang memisahkan diri kita dari keluarga, teman, dan dunia ini...

Tapi...

Kematian tidaklah abadi... karena kita pun akhirnya akan dibangkitkan oleh Yesus... dan kita akan hidup bahagia bersamaNya...

Tidakkah kamu akan merasa bahagia jika nenekmu hidup bersama Yesus...?

Semua yang dibutuhkan nenekmu akan dicukupkan oleh Yesus... Dia akan menjaga nenekmu... Karena itu, janganlah berduka terus Na...

Nenekmu sudah hidup berkecukupan di sana...

Yesus pasti akan menjaganya...

Tidak Ada Gunanya Lagi

...Rasanya memang gak berguna ya, tiap hari aku menangis, setiap hari aku berdoa, setiap hari aku merasa hancur.

Karena pada akhirnyapun, aku akan tetap pindah...

That's gonna happen. Nothing's slowing down. Slowly...really slowly, but sure... my world is crumbling down. Falling away.

Gak ada gunanya aku udah bilang ke Genny (nama panggilan buat nenekku) bahwa aku gak mau pindah. Bahwa aku sudah lelah berpindah-pindah terus. Karena pada akhirnya pun, aku tetap pindah

Gak ada gunanya aku udah bersusah payah membangun kehidupanku di Jogja. Karena pada akhirnya pun, aku tetap pindah.

Gak ada gunanya aku udah berusaha mencintai Jogja. Karena pada akhirnya pun, aku tetap pindah.

Gak ada gunanya aku sudah mendapatkan sahabat disini, karena pada akhirnya pun aku akan pindah dan meninggalkan mereka semua.

Gak ada gunanya aku sudah merasakan yang namanya jatuh cinta di sini. Karena pada akhirnya pun, aku akan tetap pindah dan perasaanku itupun tidak akan pernah terwujud.

Gak ada gunanya aku sudah mendaftar di PL 1 Yogyakarta, karena pada akhirnya pun, aku akan pindah, dan mimpiku untuk lulus di sini... hancur...

Gak ada gunanya aku sudah bermimpi akan ke Bali nanti kelas 9 bersama teman-temanku, karena pada akhirnya pun, aku akan tetap pindah dan mimpi itu tidak akan pernah terwujud.

Gak ada gunanya aku sudah bermimpi untuk lulus bersama teman-temanku, menjalani kehidupanku sebagai remaja di sini. Karena pada akhirnuya pun, aku akan tetap pindah.

Semuanya sudah tidak berguna. Tidak ada gunanya lagi.

Apakah kalian ingin tahu mengapa aku membenci ibuku? Karena dia sudah menyingkirkan semua hal di atas itu dengan paksa, tanpa perasaan, bagaikan semua hal itu mudah terjadi.

Aku merasa kosong. Aku merasa hancur. Aku merasa rusak.

Andaikan saja tidak ada yang namanya neraka, hanya surga, aku pasti sudah bunuh diri.

...Aku benar-benar sudah tidak tahu harus bagaimana sekarang...

Jujur saja, lebih baik aku mati dulu sebelum dilahirkan.. Karena semuanya akan leih baik tanpaku.

Tanpa aku, keluargaku tidak perlu mengeluarkan uang demi diriku.

Tanpa aku, teman-teman dan sahabatku tidak perlu merasa kehilangan saat aku pindah.

Tanpa aku, orang yang aku cintai tidak perlu merasa gelisah karena perasaanku.

Tanpa aku, dunia akan lebih baik. Lebih indah.

Muse-Invincible (w/ Indonesian)

Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don't give up the fight
You will be all right
Cause there's no one like you
In the universe

Ayo maju
Wujudkanlah mimpimu
Janganlah menyerah
Kau akan jadi baik-baik saja
Karena tak ada orang sepertimu
Di jagat raya

Don't be afraid
What your mind conceives
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

Janganlah takut
Akan apa yang pikiranmu terima
Kau harus memiliki pendirian
Dan membela apa yang kau percayai
Dan malam inipun kita dapat berkata
Bersama kita tak terkalahkan

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please let's use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

Dan dalam perjuangan kita
Mereka akan menghalangi kita
Tapi tolong, marilah kita gunakan kesempatan ini untuk
Mengubah segalanya
Dan malam ini kita dapat berkata
Bersama kita tak terkalahkan

Do it on your own
Makes no difference to me
What you leave behind
What you choose to be
and whatever they say
Your soul's unbreakable

Jika kau mau melakukan ini sendiri
Tidak apa-apa
Apapun yang kau tinggalkan
Apapun yang kau pilih
dan tak perduli apapun yang mereka katakan
Jiwamu tak terhancurkan

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please let's use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible
Together we're invincible

Dan dalam perjuangan ini
Mereka akan menghalangi kita
Tapi tolong, marilah kita gunakan kesempatan ini untuk
Mengubah segalanya
Dan malam ini kita bisa berkata
Bersama kita tak terkalahkan
Bersama kita tak terkalahkan

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
Please, please let's use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible
Together we're invincible

Dan dalam perjuangan ini
Mereka akan menghalangi kita
Tapi tolong, marilah kita gunakan kesempatan ini untuk
Mengubah segalanya
Dan malam ini kita bisa berkata
Bersama kita tak terkalahkan
Bersama kita tak terkalahkan

Let Me Burn Your Heart

Let me burn your heart, mother. LET ME BURN IT

I really hate you, mother. I never wanted to hate you. I never wanted to hurt you. But everything you do--EVERYTHING... corrupts me... everything made me hate you even more, and more...

Be-because... you always wants me to give in to all of your f*king desires... You always wants me to follow everything you said...

Even though it kills me.

It's really killing me inside, mom. It's killing me. Yes, I know. You think this is the best. You do this because you love me.

But your love is KILLING ME! It's burning my heart...

...Let me burn your heart, mother. Let me burn it until there is nothing left. Let me burn it until you realise that you destroyed my heart. Yes, you DESTROYED it. You destroyed it, mom.

All I wanted was a normal childhood. All I wanted was to have a normal live. All I wanted was having a good time as a teenager. All I wanted was being normal. Being alive.

In the outside, I look alive, yes. But in the inside, I'm dead. I feel empty. I feel... like nobody have ever cared about me.

It hurts, ma. It hurts.

Now... please let me BURN your heart...

My "Unintended" (lyrics by Muse)

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one
I'll always love

You could be the one who listens
To my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one
I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one
I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before

Before you

I guess this song really suits me. Just like Matt Bellamy said, they call this song "Unintended" because--well... it's about the unintended feelings that he developed on a girl. Because it came out of nowhere.

So... I'm gonna tell you guys right here, right now. I have developed a romantic feeling for a girl (let's call her Danielle) in my school. Just like in the text above...these feeling came out of nowhere. Just like "poof" I like this girl.

It all started when the PT (Persekutuan Teruna) in my church got new members (duh! It's a new year). Then that girl came. When she was introducing herself and said "I'm from Pangudi Luhur 1 Junior High School", my heart I was like BA-BUM BA-BUM.

But I quickly forget that moment. Because I'm still in love with somebody else (let's call her Irma). The day after that, I met Irma again, and again. I finally realised that... My feelings for Irma has changed. It changed from "romantic love" to "brother-sister love".

And then... I went to church again, and I met Danielle again. In that moment. I realised that I have fallen for her. And just like Matt Bellamy said, "It came out of nowhere".

Now...she is my unintended.

My Time is Running Out

Everything...feels blank.

You know what I mean? Nothingness.

I feel like everything around me, the colours, musics, everything... feels blank.
You wanna know why? I'm moving in around two weeks... And I feel like there's a supermassive black hole in my heart. A gigantic black hole that sucks everything in my life.

And now... I feel empty. Very, very empty. It's like the life has been sucked out of me. Right now, everything looks black and white for me.

Empty...

I really don't know what to post other than this...

...You know? I love God. I believe in Him. But... I'm very sorry...

I just don't trust Him...

Yes. I am a really big sinner. I know.

I guess that's why she (the special girl) won't like me. I guess that's why nobody can help me now. I guess that's why I will leave this city. My life. My love.

I never asked for this kind of life. I never asked for it. I only asked God, "Please let me have a normal life, a good family, and good friends that will last forever."

But... I guess God doesn't care about my prayers. I guess He only cares about His future plans, the so-called "Happy Future".

That's why I feel really... empty. I...just feel nothing. There are to much pain to feel love. There are too much pressure to feel pain.

...Time is running out.
I have to act.

There is a possibility that this post is one of my last posts.
Thank you for reading